Quote of the Moment:
“I love people who make me laugh. I honestly think it's the thing I like most, to laugh. It cures a multitude of ills. It's probably the most important thing in a person.” - Audrey Hepburn
“I love people who make me laugh. I honestly think it's the thing I like most, to laugh. It cures a multitude of ills. It's probably the most important thing in a person.” - Audrey Hepburn
Mood: i'm good.
Music: pretending.
Music: pretending.
Previously:
she pauses.
missing.
lazy cat.
photo project.
start of shopping season.
maps.
GED.
ew.
oh my dears.
lions n lambs.
she pauses.
missing.
lazy cat.
photo project.
start of shopping season.
maps.
GED.
ew.
oh my dears.
lions n lambs.
January 2010
February 2010
March 2010
April 2010
May 2010
June 2010
July 2010
August 2010
November 2010
June 2011
May 2012
February 2010
March 2010
April 2010
May 2010
June 2010
July 2010
August 2010
November 2010
June 2011
May 2012
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
waiting.
lymphoma.
leukemia.
tuberculosis.
lung cancer.
a nodule.
My mom went to the doctor again today. She said they took a lot of blood and are doing a tuberculosis test. The doctor also ordered scans of her lower body and a PET scan. I’m not exactly sure what a PET scan is but she said it somehow measures the cellular function in your body. Basically it’s a way for them to tell if this thing in her lungs is living or dead. If it’s living and reproducing cells, that’s not good. If it’s dead, then it’s nothing. Just a nodule that can be removed. We’re obviously hoping for the latter.
Her TB test will come back Friday. She’s also hoping to get the scans done Friday. The doctor told the nurse he wants the blood work back as soon as possible.
The doctor said there are a lot of things it could be. There’s cancer, obviously. There’s lymphoma, leukemia and tuberculosis - none of which are good but all of which are better than lung cancer. It could also just be a nodule. He said there’s a part of your lungs that you’re born with but as you get older it kind of breaks off, then grows back. He said on some people it doesn’t grow back properly. It could also be that.
It’s a waiting game. Just waiting.
waiting.
waiting.
waiting.
waiting.
waiting.
leukemia.
tuberculosis.
lung cancer.
a nodule.
My mom went to the doctor again today. She said they took a lot of blood and are doing a tuberculosis test. The doctor also ordered scans of her lower body and a PET scan. I’m not exactly sure what a PET scan is but she said it somehow measures the cellular function in your body. Basically it’s a way for them to tell if this thing in her lungs is living or dead. If it’s living and reproducing cells, that’s not good. If it’s dead, then it’s nothing. Just a nodule that can be removed. We’re obviously hoping for the latter.
Her TB test will come back Friday. She’s also hoping to get the scans done Friday. The doctor told the nurse he wants the blood work back as soon as possible.
The doctor said there are a lot of things it could be. There’s cancer, obviously. There’s lymphoma, leukemia and tuberculosis - none of which are good but all of which are better than lung cancer. It could also just be a nodule. He said there’s a part of your lungs that you’re born with but as you get older it kind of breaks off, then grows back. He said on some people it doesn’t grow back properly. It could also be that.
It’s a waiting game. Just waiting.
waiting.
waiting.
waiting.
waiting.
waiting.
Monday, March 29, 2010
five-letter word.
tumor.
Merriam-Webster's dictionary defines it as: (1) a swollen or distended part. (2) an abnormal benign or malignant new growth of tissue that possesses no physiological function and arises from uncontrolled, usually rapid cellular proliferation.
I define it as this: It means I could lose my mom.
My mom went to the doctor forever ago and was diagnosed as having pneumonia. In examining her for pneumonia, the doctor noticed spots on her lungs.
He said, "Do you smoke?"
She said, "No, I've never smoked."
He said, "You really don't smoke?"
She said, "No."
He couldn't believe she didn't smoke from these spots he'd seen on her lungs. He told her she needed a CAT Scan as soon as the pneumonia cleared up. She had the scan a little more than a week ago. She had the scan on March 19.
She got the results today.
tumor.
The doctors don't know whether it's benign or malignant. She has to have a biopsy to determine that. First, she has to go for a consultation. one day this week. Then, they'll schedule the biopsy. Then they'll determine whether it's benign or malignant. If it's benign they might still remove it. If it's cancer... well, I don't think it will be.
I really, really, really don't think it will be. I think it's just a scar on her tissue from having pneumonia before. or something like that.
I just don't think it's cancer. My mom can't have cancer. My mom was my superhero when I was a kid. My dad wasn't there. My mom did everything. She was the breadwinner, the spider killer, the "there's no monsters under the bed" reassuring voice, the conscience inside my head as a teenager, the best friend, the protector, the everything. My mom can not have cancer.
But there's the smallest of chances that she could. And therefore, there's the smallest of chances that I could lose her.
I never thought I'd hear something like this. Never. I keep thinking, how is this happening? I keep crying even though I believe it'll be ok.
Today I heard the scariest word I've ever heard.
This is real.
Whether I like it or not, it's real. It's happening. Right now. We will get through it, no matter what.
Merriam-Webster's dictionary defines it as: (1) a swollen or distended part. (2) an abnormal benign or malignant new growth of tissue that possesses no physiological function and arises from uncontrolled, usually rapid cellular proliferation.
I define it as this: It means I could lose my mom.
My mom went to the doctor forever ago and was diagnosed as having pneumonia. In examining her for pneumonia, the doctor noticed spots on her lungs.
He said, "Do you smoke?"
She said, "No, I've never smoked."
He said, "You really don't smoke?"
She said, "No."
He couldn't believe she didn't smoke from these spots he'd seen on her lungs. He told her she needed a CAT Scan as soon as the pneumonia cleared up. She had the scan a little more than a week ago. She had the scan on March 19.
She got the results today.
tumor.
The doctors don't know whether it's benign or malignant. She has to have a biopsy to determine that. First, she has to go for a consultation. one day this week. Then, they'll schedule the biopsy. Then they'll determine whether it's benign or malignant. If it's benign they might still remove it. If it's cancer... well, I don't think it will be.
I really, really, really don't think it will be. I think it's just a scar on her tissue from having pneumonia before. or something like that.
I just don't think it's cancer. My mom can't have cancer. My mom was my superhero when I was a kid. My dad wasn't there. My mom did everything. She was the breadwinner, the spider killer, the "there's no monsters under the bed" reassuring voice, the conscience inside my head as a teenager, the best friend, the protector, the everything. My mom can not have cancer.
But there's the smallest of chances that she could. And therefore, there's the smallest of chances that I could lose her.
I never thought I'd hear something like this. Never. I keep thinking, how is this happening? I keep crying even though I believe it'll be ok.
Today I heard the scariest word I've ever heard.
This is real.
Whether I like it or not, it's real. It's happening. Right now. We will get through it, no matter what.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
recap.
I feel like there is so much that I could write about from the last few days. I'm working on writing something about people's insecurities because that's been on my mind lately. My own insecurities are getting to me.
Right now I have nothing to say. Maybe I'm just tired.
I want to write something that means something. It's important to me.
So instead, I'll recap the day:
- alarm went off
- reset alarm
- 30 minutes late for work because I kept resetting alarm
- did nothing at work
- lunch with Randy at Moe's
- did more nothing at work
- went to Longview ISD for a story
- didn't write the story because it turned into a bigger story that I'll write tomorrow
- got stressed and irritated about the change
- texted Michael
- got irritated that he went to Kilgore without me because I don't know my way around
- called my mom
- cried about Michael with Michael standing by my car
- went to Kilgore schools
- no one was at the schools
- called Juan
- story got canceled
- found Krystal at Wal-Mart because I didn't have to write the story
- bought a shirt and dress at Wal-Mart
- went to McDonald's
- went to Krystal's
- texted April about Saturday
- ate dinner
- talked to Krystal
- played with Landon
- got kissed by Landon
- got smudged glasses
- got drooled on
- loved it
- went home
- talked to Randy
- found out about Jimmy's grandpa in the hospital
- worried about Jimmy
- called my grandma
- saw what appeared to be a passive aggressive tweet from Scott
- took bath
- didn't relax in bath
- thought about Scott and Michael
- wondered when my nightly routine of thinking about this crap would change
- watched the Scott Pilgrim trailer
- loved it
Right now I have nothing to say. Maybe I'm just tired.
I want to write something that means something. It's important to me.
So instead, I'll recap the day:
- alarm went off
- reset alarm
- 30 minutes late for work because I kept resetting alarm
- did nothing at work
- lunch with Randy at Moe's
- did more nothing at work
- went to Longview ISD for a story
- didn't write the story because it turned into a bigger story that I'll write tomorrow
- got stressed and irritated about the change
- texted Michael
- got irritated that he went to Kilgore without me because I don't know my way around
- called my mom
- cried about Michael with Michael standing by my car
- went to Kilgore schools
- no one was at the schools
- called Juan
- story got canceled
- found Krystal at Wal-Mart because I didn't have to write the story
- bought a shirt and dress at Wal-Mart
- went to McDonald's
- went to Krystal's
- texted April about Saturday
- ate dinner
- talked to Krystal
- played with Landon
- got kissed by Landon
- got smudged glasses
- got drooled on
- loved it
- went home
- talked to Randy
- found out about Jimmy's grandpa in the hospital
- worried about Jimmy
- called my grandma
- saw what appeared to be a passive aggressive tweet from Scott
- took bath
- didn't relax in bath
- thought about Scott and Michael
- wondered when my nightly routine of thinking about this crap would change
- watched the Scott Pilgrim trailer
- loved it
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
no, thank you.
So I definitely spent a lot of time looking for a cool birthday present for M. When I took it to him, he didn't even say thank you. That hurt a little. Plus we ended up arguing about the Watchmen dvd that I didn't get him. It wasn't a serious argument or anything. But like - I know his mom and sister gave him some money for his birthday. But I don't think anyone else got him a gift of any sort. I'm not certain. But regardless, he didn't get many gifts. You'd think he would have taken a moment to say thank you. It meant so much to me when he took me to dinner for my birthday. I don't ever really get any birthday presents - like actual presents. My mom gives me a little cash and one of my grandma's, but I like getting an actual gift. It means someone took the time to go shopping and pick something out that made that person think of you. He didn't get me anything on my birthday, but he took me to dinner. That meant a lot. There wasn't anyone else I would have rather spent my birthday with. It feels like the things I do don't matter. Whatever.
Monday, March 22, 2010
more wasps.
oh dear.
michael says he's had wasps in his apartment every day for the last two weeks.
he says he thinks they're in the attic and coming in through the air vents.
oh dear.
michael says he's had wasps in his apartment every day for the last two weeks.
he says he thinks they're in the attic and coming in through the air vents.
oh dear.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
wasp.
This is not my weekend for inserts or animals.
Today was craziness. I woke up at 10:30. I showered. I dressed. I got in my car. I drove to Wal-Mart, Target, Books-a-Million and Hastings looking for the absolute perfect birthday gift for M. I bought things. I have things to take back. I still haven't figured out exactly what I want to give him. *sigh* I went back and forth until about 4:15 p.m. when I finally came home and he'd already left for the Metroplex. I ate some Schlotzsky's Deli while watching ANTM (woo traditions!) and otherwise did some stuff in my bedroom until oh about 7:15 when I came downstairs to watch some Friday Night Lights.
I plugged in my computer and was playing some music and doing a little straightening up downstairs before putting the DVD in. As I'm leaning over my computer to change the song, I hear a buzzing.
Do you know how much I loathe and detest and utterly fear buzzing?
It is so bad.
I am so scared of insects. It is not funny. But people laugh at me still. It's ok. It's an endearing trait of mine. People tend to think it's cute.
So I hear buzzing and I look up toward my light and what is buzzing around the light and the wall and me.
A wasp.
A yellowjacket.
A thing that will sting me and hurt me and kill me with fear.
Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness.
So this is what happened:
I screamed then I ran upstairs to my bedroom.
Then I realized it could still get me upstairs.
So I ran downstairs and frantically opened my front door and ran outside.
Then I realized my purse and keys were inside.
So I ran back inside. And upstairs.
My purse was upstairs.
I dug around in my purse.
I realized my keys and my cell phone were downstairs in the kitchen.
Which meant I had to go downstairs and walk across the whole living room with that thing buzzing around.
So I slowly crept down the stairs.
Then I lowered my head and didn't look as I quickly walked across the living room.
I stared at the floor the whole time.
Grabbed my keys and phone.
Looked back down and walked to the door.
Went to my car.
My first thought was "oh my, Michael's in Dallas. What am I going to do?"
Then I called Jimmy. He didn't answer.
I texted Jimmy and Randy to say that there was a wasp in my apartment.
Then Jimmy called back.
I told him I was leaving and not returning to my apartment. Ever.
He said he and Randy were going to dinner.
I joined them.
I ate cheesecake.
Jimmy and Randy came to my apartment.
Jimmy got my insect spray.
The wasp was no where to be found.
Jimmy sprayed some.
The wasp never came out.
So here I sit.
In my apartment.
With a wasp.
Waiting somewhere.
To come out and get me.
Probably when I go to sleep.
I'm going to sleep with the can of spray.
Yes, yes.
It will be ok.
Today was craziness. I woke up at 10:30. I showered. I dressed. I got in my car. I drove to Wal-Mart, Target, Books-a-Million and Hastings looking for the absolute perfect birthday gift for M. I bought things. I have things to take back. I still haven't figured out exactly what I want to give him. *sigh* I went back and forth until about 4:15 p.m. when I finally came home and he'd already left for the Metroplex. I ate some Schlotzsky's Deli while watching ANTM (woo traditions!) and otherwise did some stuff in my bedroom until oh about 7:15 when I came downstairs to watch some Friday Night Lights.
I plugged in my computer and was playing some music and doing a little straightening up downstairs before putting the DVD in. As I'm leaning over my computer to change the song, I hear a buzzing.
Do you know how much I loathe and detest and utterly fear buzzing?
It is so bad.
I am so scared of insects. It is not funny. But people laugh at me still. It's ok. It's an endearing trait of mine. People tend to think it's cute.
So I hear buzzing and I look up toward my light and what is buzzing around the light and the wall and me.
A wasp.
A yellowjacket.
A thing that will sting me and hurt me and kill me with fear.
Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness.
So this is what happened:
I screamed then I ran upstairs to my bedroom.
Then I realized it could still get me upstairs.
So I ran downstairs and frantically opened my front door and ran outside.
Then I realized my purse and keys were inside.
So I ran back inside. And upstairs.
My purse was upstairs.
I dug around in my purse.
I realized my keys and my cell phone were downstairs in the kitchen.
Which meant I had to go downstairs and walk across the whole living room with that thing buzzing around.
So I slowly crept down the stairs.
Then I lowered my head and didn't look as I quickly walked across the living room.
I stared at the floor the whole time.
Grabbed my keys and phone.
Looked back down and walked to the door.
Went to my car.
My first thought was "oh my, Michael's in Dallas. What am I going to do?"
Then I called Jimmy. He didn't answer.
I texted Jimmy and Randy to say that there was a wasp in my apartment.
Then Jimmy called back.
I told him I was leaving and not returning to my apartment. Ever.
He said he and Randy were going to dinner.
I joined them.
I ate cheesecake.
Jimmy and Randy came to my apartment.
Jimmy got my insect spray.
The wasp was no where to be found.
Jimmy sprayed some.
The wasp never came out.
So here I sit.
In my apartment.
With a wasp.
Waiting somewhere.
To come out and get me.
Probably when I go to sleep.
I'm going to sleep with the can of spray.
Yes, yes.
It will be ok.
happy birthday to him.
Happy birthday.
Today is his birthday. He's at a concert with one of his best friends in North Texas. His friend is married to a lovely woman and they had a baby in 2008. The baby died in early 2009. It's been devastatingly hard on them. I couldn't imagine losing a child. My mom did. People always say things like "if something happened to my child I couldn't go on living" or "if something happened to my husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend/best friend/sister/brother/whoever I couldn't go on living" ... but somehow we do. Somehow.
Anyway, M and B haven't spent a whole of time together since the baby died. So I am so, so glad that he is getting to see his friend. I think it will be good for both of them.
We went out last night. The night just amused me.
First of all, I got upset with him Friday night because we were supposed to watch a movie. Well, he said "maybe." Then I got home from seeing Krystal at 10:15 or so. He was already home. I texted. I called. I went to his door. I knocked multiple times on his door. He didn't answer. He didn't text. Nothing. I got so mad. I was fuming. I went home and stewed. Eventually I sent him a text that said "Yes or no is not difficult. You know crap like this bothers me and you know it hurts. Why m?" He didn't respond. I told a friend that night that I felt like the reason he'd ignored me was because I wasn't home when he got home from work. He does stuff like this sometimes. It's like - if I'm not there when he wants me, then he goes on without me. He used to not be that way. But I guess there were a few too many times when he had to wait and I guess he got tired of waiting.
Saturday morning I decided to go visit my family. I got to Mineola and stopped. He and I talked. The first thing he said was that he was asleep the night before. No excuse, I said. He should have told me he was going to bed. He didn't intend to go to sleep, he said. He was watching a movie. So he started watching a movie without me when we were supposed to watch it together. "Well, you weren't home when I got home," he said. Jackass. I wanted to strangle him. Instead I said, "Are you sure you don't want to do ANYthing for your birthday?" And he said he was thinking about getting some people together for dinner. Was that a yes, a no, or a maybe? It was a probably, he said. Wtf. I needed more reassurance than that. I was halfway to Sherman. He said probably was the best he could do. I said fine, hung up and turned around. About 5:15, I got a call asking if 9:30 at Chili's would work. I told him it'd be fine.
So we went to Chili's. Me, him, Katie, Jimmy, and three of his friends from Tyler - Kelly, Zach, Jared. Courtney was coming after work. Other peoples were out of town. So we sat at a long booth - each side sat three people - with a chair at the end. M took the chair. Me and Kelly each slid in either side of the booth. Then Katie next to me and Zach next to her. Then Jimmy next to Katie and Jared next to Zach. Me and Katie talked. Kelly and Zach talked. Jimmy, Jared and M talked. But a lot of the time, M would look at me when he was talking even though I was at the opposite end of the table. It felt weird being so far away from him, especially at his birthday dinner. Jimmy, Jared and Zach left right after dinner. The four of us chatted a bit. M asked me if I'd had a good time and I said yes. He said good. Then we left.
Courtney pulled into the parking lot as we were leaving. So Kelly went back to Tyler and me, M, C and K went to the bowling alley to have drinks at the bar there. Well, first we went to another bar but there was a live band playing and we didn't want to pay a cover. So then we went to the bowling alley. I almost suggested going to Gerald's and boy am I glad I didn't cause it turns out his ex was there last night. That would have been so bad. I would not have been a happy person to have seen her. So anyway, to the bowling alley we went. Beer for them. Rum for me. We sat. We talked. I love C and K. I miss spending time with them. Things with M and I are so weird right now and I don't get to see them like I used to. K asked M if he'd waited until 6:30 to send out a mass text message to everybody - it was a very last minute dinner. He told her he had. I felt kinda special then because he'd called me more than an hour before that to see if it was ok with me. So anyway, he added that he wouldn't even have had the dinner if "she hadn't been bugging me." Basically, he said he had the dinner for me. I don't really know how to take that. I'm going to try not to analyze it though like I do everything. I took it as something sweet though. And later, K asked him what he was doing today - on his birthday birthday. He said he was going to a concert but he couldn't tell her the band because I don't know the band. He does stuff like this to tease me. A few days ago I asked him what band he was seeing and he wouldn't say because he knows it bugs me when he doesn't answer questions. So he told K he'd tell her later and he told her he wouldn't tell her because he does it to bother me. He does it to tease me and it's clearly in a good-humored way. So I'm going to try to stop feeling like my feelings are hurt when he doesn't answer simple questions cause he is doing it to tease me ... which I guess is kinda flirty. I just rolled my eyes at him.
We feel so couple-y when we're out. With C and K, it especially felt like a double date. At dinner, I started talking to K about the new Alice in Wonderland movie. She said she wasn't going to mention it because "I wasn't sure if y'all had seen it yet." When she said "y'all" she kind of glanced down at M and back at me. Later, the three of them were talking about a comic book movie that opens soon that they're all super excited about. K looked at me and said, "You're coming" and she kind of glanced at M. It's so obvious that it's ridiculous.
Oh well.
Then it started snowing. Snow flurries everywhere and on his birthday of all days. It was magical goodness.
I love him and I hope he had a great weekend.
Today is his birthday. He's at a concert with one of his best friends in North Texas. His friend is married to a lovely woman and they had a baby in 2008. The baby died in early 2009. It's been devastatingly hard on them. I couldn't imagine losing a child. My mom did. People always say things like "if something happened to my child I couldn't go on living" or "if something happened to my husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend/best friend/sister/brother/whoever I couldn't go on living" ... but somehow we do. Somehow.
Anyway, M and B haven't spent a whole of time together since the baby died. So I am so, so glad that he is getting to see his friend. I think it will be good for both of them.
We went out last night. The night just amused me.
First of all, I got upset with him Friday night because we were supposed to watch a movie. Well, he said "maybe." Then I got home from seeing Krystal at 10:15 or so. He was already home. I texted. I called. I went to his door. I knocked multiple times on his door. He didn't answer. He didn't text. Nothing. I got so mad. I was fuming. I went home and stewed. Eventually I sent him a text that said "Yes or no is not difficult. You know crap like this bothers me and you know it hurts. Why m?" He didn't respond. I told a friend that night that I felt like the reason he'd ignored me was because I wasn't home when he got home from work. He does stuff like this sometimes. It's like - if I'm not there when he wants me, then he goes on without me. He used to not be that way. But I guess there were a few too many times when he had to wait and I guess he got tired of waiting.
Saturday morning I decided to go visit my family. I got to Mineola and stopped. He and I talked. The first thing he said was that he was asleep the night before. No excuse, I said. He should have told me he was going to bed. He didn't intend to go to sleep, he said. He was watching a movie. So he started watching a movie without me when we were supposed to watch it together. "Well, you weren't home when I got home," he said. Jackass. I wanted to strangle him. Instead I said, "Are you sure you don't want to do ANYthing for your birthday?" And he said he was thinking about getting some people together for dinner. Was that a yes, a no, or a maybe? It was a probably, he said. Wtf. I needed more reassurance than that. I was halfway to Sherman. He said probably was the best he could do. I said fine, hung up and turned around. About 5:15, I got a call asking if 9:30 at Chili's would work. I told him it'd be fine.
So we went to Chili's. Me, him, Katie, Jimmy, and three of his friends from Tyler - Kelly, Zach, Jared. Courtney was coming after work. Other peoples were out of town. So we sat at a long booth - each side sat three people - with a chair at the end. M took the chair. Me and Kelly each slid in either side of the booth. Then Katie next to me and Zach next to her. Then Jimmy next to Katie and Jared next to Zach. Me and Katie talked. Kelly and Zach talked. Jimmy, Jared and M talked. But a lot of the time, M would look at me when he was talking even though I was at the opposite end of the table. It felt weird being so far away from him, especially at his birthday dinner. Jimmy, Jared and Zach left right after dinner. The four of us chatted a bit. M asked me if I'd had a good time and I said yes. He said good. Then we left.
Courtney pulled into the parking lot as we were leaving. So Kelly went back to Tyler and me, M, C and K went to the bowling alley to have drinks at the bar there. Well, first we went to another bar but there was a live band playing and we didn't want to pay a cover. So then we went to the bowling alley. I almost suggested going to Gerald's and boy am I glad I didn't cause it turns out his ex was there last night. That would have been so bad. I would not have been a happy person to have seen her. So anyway, to the bowling alley we went. Beer for them. Rum for me. We sat. We talked. I love C and K. I miss spending time with them. Things with M and I are so weird right now and I don't get to see them like I used to. K asked M if he'd waited until 6:30 to send out a mass text message to everybody - it was a very last minute dinner. He told her he had. I felt kinda special then because he'd called me more than an hour before that to see if it was ok with me. So anyway, he added that he wouldn't even have had the dinner if "she hadn't been bugging me." Basically, he said he had the dinner for me. I don't really know how to take that. I'm going to try not to analyze it though like I do everything. I took it as something sweet though. And later, K asked him what he was doing today - on his birthday birthday. He said he was going to a concert but he couldn't tell her the band because I don't know the band. He does stuff like this to tease me. A few days ago I asked him what band he was seeing and he wouldn't say because he knows it bugs me when he doesn't answer questions. So he told K he'd tell her later and he told her he wouldn't tell her because he does it to bother me. He does it to tease me and it's clearly in a good-humored way. So I'm going to try to stop feeling like my feelings are hurt when he doesn't answer simple questions cause he is doing it to tease me ... which I guess is kinda flirty. I just rolled my eyes at him.
We feel so couple-y when we're out. With C and K, it especially felt like a double date. At dinner, I started talking to K about the new Alice in Wonderland movie. She said she wasn't going to mention it because "I wasn't sure if y'all had seen it yet." When she said "y'all" she kind of glanced down at M and back at me. Later, the three of them were talking about a comic book movie that opens soon that they're all super excited about. K looked at me and said, "You're coming" and she kind of glanced at M. It's so obvious that it's ridiculous.
Oh well.
Then it started snowing. Snow flurries everywhere and on his birthday of all days. It was magical goodness.
I love him and I hope he had a great weekend.
Saturday, March 20, 2010
ducks.
WTF ducks. That is all I have to say. WTF.
I was driving down the road today - a main road in town. As I was approaching a stop light, I looked ahead and saw what was clearly some sort of a bird in the roadway. From a distance, I saw this winged-creature standing on it's legs and I thought, "OMG is that a penguin?!" I got incredibly excited thinking I was going to save a group of penguins in the road. I recalled a day when S showed me pictures he took in Marshall of a truck that had turned over that was carrying a bunch of penguins to Galveston - to Moody Gardens - and people were rescuing the penguins. That's what I thought I was about to do. Except I love penguins so, so, so much that I would have had to keep one for myself.
As I approached, I realize that it wasn't penguins at all. It was ducks. Ducks, ducks and more ducks. About 10 or 12 of them. Oh my goodness. Ducks.
I was driving in the right lane and I slowed.
The ducks didn't move.
I came to a stop.
They didn't move.
I crept forward.
They didn't move.
Cars were driving fast in the left lane.
They didn't move.
Cars went around me into the left lane.
They didn't move.
I thought I was losing my mind.
They didn't move.
Ten or 12 ducks just sitting in the right lane of a major thoroughfare. Not moving.
What if someone didn't stop for the ducks? What if the ducks got hurt? So they're not penguins. I still love them. I didn't want them to get hurt.
I opened my cell phone. I dialed Jimmy. I knew he was at work and I needed the police dispatch phone number immediately. Jimmy gave it to me. He was baffled. I called dispatch and said, "I don't know who I'm supposed to call but there's a bunch of ducks in the middle of [insert name] Road. They're just sitting there. They're not moving." The dispatcher said, "A bunch of what?" And I said, "Ducks. There's a bunch of ducks and they're not moving." She said, "Ducks?" And I said, "Yes, ducks. Like the birds." She sounded very confused and said, "And they're not moving?" I said, "No, they're not moving. I'm worried about them. I don't want them to get hurt." Thinking in my head what a moron I must sound like. She took down the information from me and said they'd send someone over. Now, there's a duck pond nearby that I'm sure the ducks belonged at. But the point was that on this day in the afternoon, the ducks were not in the pond. They were in the middle of the road.
I drove by later and they were gone. So either the police saved them or they eventually found their way back to the pond.
It was so random. But I must say, I'm glad I got to see something as random and odd and beautiful as this.
I was driving down the road today - a main road in town. As I was approaching a stop light, I looked ahead and saw what was clearly some sort of a bird in the roadway. From a distance, I saw this winged-creature standing on it's legs and I thought, "OMG is that a penguin?!" I got incredibly excited thinking I was going to save a group of penguins in the road. I recalled a day when S showed me pictures he took in Marshall of a truck that had turned over that was carrying a bunch of penguins to Galveston - to Moody Gardens - and people were rescuing the penguins. That's what I thought I was about to do. Except I love penguins so, so, so much that I would have had to keep one for myself.
As I approached, I realize that it wasn't penguins at all. It was ducks. Ducks, ducks and more ducks. About 10 or 12 of them. Oh my goodness. Ducks.
I was driving in the right lane and I slowed.
The ducks didn't move.
I came to a stop.
They didn't move.
I crept forward.
They didn't move.
Cars were driving fast in the left lane.
They didn't move.
Cars went around me into the left lane.
They didn't move.
I thought I was losing my mind.
They didn't move.
Ten or 12 ducks just sitting in the right lane of a major thoroughfare. Not moving.
What if someone didn't stop for the ducks? What if the ducks got hurt? So they're not penguins. I still love them. I didn't want them to get hurt.
I opened my cell phone. I dialed Jimmy. I knew he was at work and I needed the police dispatch phone number immediately. Jimmy gave it to me. He was baffled. I called dispatch and said, "I don't know who I'm supposed to call but there's a bunch of ducks in the middle of [insert name] Road. They're just sitting there. They're not moving." The dispatcher said, "A bunch of what?" And I said, "Ducks. There's a bunch of ducks and they're not moving." She said, "Ducks?" And I said, "Yes, ducks. Like the birds." She sounded very confused and said, "And they're not moving?" I said, "No, they're not moving. I'm worried about them. I don't want them to get hurt." Thinking in my head what a moron I must sound like. She took down the information from me and said they'd send someone over. Now, there's a duck pond nearby that I'm sure the ducks belonged at. But the point was that on this day in the afternoon, the ducks were not in the pond. They were in the middle of the road.
I drove by later and they were gone. So either the police saved them or they eventually found their way back to the pond.
It was so random. But I must say, I'm glad I got to see something as random and odd and beautiful as this.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
all you need is one.
At this moment there are 6,809,365,417 people in the world. They are fathers and mothers. Daughters and sons. Sisters and brothers. Neighbors. Co-workers. Acquaintances. People on the street. Friends, enemies, and lovers. Strangers.
Some of them are good men fighting against evil. Some of them are evil men at war with good.
Some of them are running scared. Some of them are coming home. Some of them are afraid of the past. Some of them are content with just today. Some of them are pushing for something greater in their future. Some of them tell lies to make it through the day. Some of them are just now facing the truth.
At this moment there are 6,809,365,417 people in the world. Six billion people. Six billion souls.
And sometimes.
And sometimes, all you need is one.
Some of them are good men fighting against evil. Some of them are evil men at war with good.
Some of them are running scared. Some of them are coming home. Some of them are afraid of the past. Some of them are content with just today. Some of them are pushing for something greater in their future. Some of them tell lies to make it through the day. Some of them are just now facing the truth.
At this moment there are 6,809,365,417 people in the world. Six billion people. Six billion souls.
And sometimes.
And sometimes, all you need is one.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
avoidance.
That's all he seems to know how to do when I try to talk to him. I sometimes wonder if maybe I'm not asking the right questions. If maybe I'm not truly laying it all on the line.
I remember the way things used to be a year ago, a few months ago... Things were so great. They were nearly perfect. I don't know what happened.
He says nothing has changed between us, but it's so obvious that it has. He used to text me all day and night. He used to hang out with me all the time. He used to miss me when I'd go to visit family for a weekend or even a day. He used to initiate things. He used to be the person I wanted to talk to about everything. Anything that was going on at work, with family, with friends - he was the one I talked to. He was the only one that I really and truly wanted to talk to. We had fun. We were happy. It wasn't serious and I thought we were seeing where things would go. And then it all fell apart. And I'm left not knowing what changed. He doesn't text. He doesn't respond to my texts. We hang out maybe once a week but I always initiate it. He never says he misses me any more. We argue all the time when we're around each other. I don't get it. Nothing had to change. When I try to talk to him he says that nothing has changed and that he's only being more distant because he's been going to the gym each night and he's exhausted and he wants to go to bed early and blah blah blah BS. Something happened. You don't go from acting like you adore someone; like you want to be around them all the time; like you miss them whenever they're not around -- to -- being someone who acts like he doesn't give a damn overnight without something causing it. Something happened. I deserve to know what happened but I know I'm not ever going to get that with him.
I know that I need to let him go and move on with my life. But I wasn't able to let him go a year ago when I started dating someone else. How can I expect to let him go now?
This hurts so much.
I remember the way things used to be a year ago, a few months ago... Things were so great. They were nearly perfect. I don't know what happened.
He says nothing has changed between us, but it's so obvious that it has. He used to text me all day and night. He used to hang out with me all the time. He used to miss me when I'd go to visit family for a weekend or even a day. He used to initiate things. He used to be the person I wanted to talk to about everything. Anything that was going on at work, with family, with friends - he was the one I talked to. He was the only one that I really and truly wanted to talk to. We had fun. We were happy. It wasn't serious and I thought we were seeing where things would go. And then it all fell apart. And I'm left not knowing what changed. He doesn't text. He doesn't respond to my texts. We hang out maybe once a week but I always initiate it. He never says he misses me any more. We argue all the time when we're around each other. I don't get it. Nothing had to change. When I try to talk to him he says that nothing has changed and that he's only being more distant because he's been going to the gym each night and he's exhausted and he wants to go to bed early and blah blah blah BS. Something happened. You don't go from acting like you adore someone; like you want to be around them all the time; like you miss them whenever they're not around -- to -- being someone who acts like he doesn't give a damn overnight without something causing it. Something happened. I deserve to know what happened but I know I'm not ever going to get that with him.
I know that I need to let him go and move on with my life. But I wasn't able to let him go a year ago when I started dating someone else. How can I expect to let him go now?
This hurts so much.
dear todd.
Dear Todd,
Please don't do this. She loves you. She loves the girls. I don't know what's happening. She hasn't talked to me. You have no reason to believe me. No reason at all. But I swear she hasn't talked to me. We don't talk that often - maybe every couple of months. That's both of our faults. Life gets in the way sometimes. People get busy. Whenever we do talk... You know what --- It's really hard to tell someone who loves you something that you know will disappoint them. It's hard. It's painful. Three or four years ago, I told her something that disappointed her. I knew it would disappoint her before I told her. That's why I waited so long to talk to her. If what you say is true, I know she's doing the same thing with me. I don't know whether it's true. I don't know. I really and truly do not know. But whatever you do, please don't hurt him. You're not answering my calls or my texts. Neither is she. I don't have a phone number for him. Please don't do this. Please. I love you and I love her. Please. Please. Please. Do not do this.
Please don't do this. She loves you. She loves the girls. I don't know what's happening. She hasn't talked to me. You have no reason to believe me. No reason at all. But I swear she hasn't talked to me. We don't talk that often - maybe every couple of months. That's both of our faults. Life gets in the way sometimes. People get busy. Whenever we do talk... You know what --- It's really hard to tell someone who loves you something that you know will disappoint them. It's hard. It's painful. Three or four years ago, I told her something that disappointed her. I knew it would disappoint her before I told her. That's why I waited so long to talk to her. If what you say is true, I know she's doing the same thing with me. I don't know whether it's true. I don't know. I really and truly do not know. But whatever you do, please don't hurt him. You're not answering my calls or my texts. Neither is she. I don't have a phone number for him. Please don't do this. Please. I love you and I love her. Please. Please. Please. Do not do this.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
today's blotter.
Other random notes from today:
- Austin might be in my future.
- I ate food that was intended for the production crew only of an ABC TV show. My food was supposed to be a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and a little bag of potato chips. Instead I ate grilled chicken, steamed potatoes, rice and a roll.
- My headband is - still - cute.
- My rent is four days late. Tomorrow will be five. Uh oh.
- I can't wait for the new Gossip Girl on Monday.
- Even the person who's supposed to be like my brother can act like an asshole.
- Tall skinny vanilla lattes are my love. I can't live without them. They need to fucking die because they cost me $3.30 almost every single fucking day. Gawd, I love them so much.
- My ass is sexy.
- I'm sick of M not responding to my text messages or phone calls.
- I really need to watch that Netflix movie that I borrowed from April.
- I need to sleep.
- Ty's face looked all leathery. Too much tanning is not a good thing.
- If I beat my boss at this online Scrabble game, he'll probably make my life more hellish at work but I really don't care because I want to win this game and prove to him that I am oh so much smarter than him.
- I wonder if he'll ever want me again. I wonder if I missed my only chance.
- No matter how hard I try to be at work on time, I always fail.
- I forgot about the art show.
- S still cares so much for me. Case in point: he was so worried when I texted him about the car problems and checked in with me every so often to see where we were and make sure I was still alive. He didn't know that my original message to him also got sent to M, R and J. He also doesn't know that the three of them responded. He was the only one to actually ask if I was ok and where I was and what was happening. The others just made funny comments.
- I meant to call my grandma today. I need to remember that tomorrow.
- Moe's food is so good, especially on free drink Thursday.
- I need to finish that drawing. My sketchbook is in my car.
- He didn't ruin my life like I said to him the day we broke up. He didn't. I should tell him that. I fucking destroyed him. I hate that I did that to him. He tried. He tried so hard. He put up with my shit for months.
- I can't change my past.
- I keep remembering this day, "Why do you draw that stop light over and over and writing 'People Always Leave?' I'm not leaving you. No matter what you do, you can't push me away. I'm going to be right here." And my response was, "I don't want you to be here. I want him. I'm trying to let go. I haven't yet, but I'm trying. And you will leave me. Everyone does." That was right before we officially started dating. I wasn't really trying to let the other one go. I never did. Maybe I should have.
- I can't change my future.
- A joke that Randy sent me: "British person: What's the difference between a wardrobe and a closet? American: Mr. Tumnus is in the wardrobe. Tom Cruise is in the closet." hahahahaha. I laughed so hard.
- God knows my destination. I'm just along for the ride. Within fate, we have free will. We can make choices. But our choices will still lead us to our ultimate destination.
- Oh and by the way, in case I forgot to say it (again) today, I do love you. I know I haven't said it. I know I won't say it. I don't even know what that means right now. I wonder if I even know which one of you this is about.
- Austin might be in my future.
- I ate food that was intended for the production crew only of an ABC TV show. My food was supposed to be a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and a little bag of potato chips. Instead I ate grilled chicken, steamed potatoes, rice and a roll.
- My headband is - still - cute.
- My rent is four days late. Tomorrow will be five. Uh oh.
- I can't wait for the new Gossip Girl on Monday.
- Even the person who's supposed to be like my brother can act like an asshole.
- Tall skinny vanilla lattes are my love. I can't live without them. They need to fucking die because they cost me $3.30 almost every single fucking day. Gawd, I love them so much.
- My ass is sexy.
- I'm sick of M not responding to my text messages or phone calls.
- I really need to watch that Netflix movie that I borrowed from April.
- I need to sleep.
- Ty's face looked all leathery. Too much tanning is not a good thing.
- If I beat my boss at this online Scrabble game, he'll probably make my life more hellish at work but I really don't care because I want to win this game and prove to him that I am oh so much smarter than him.
- I wonder if he'll ever want me again. I wonder if I missed my only chance.
- No matter how hard I try to be at work on time, I always fail.
- I forgot about the art show.
- S still cares so much for me. Case in point: he was so worried when I texted him about the car problems and checked in with me every so often to see where we were and make sure I was still alive. He didn't know that my original message to him also got sent to M, R and J. He also doesn't know that the three of them responded. He was the only one to actually ask if I was ok and where I was and what was happening. The others just made funny comments.
- I meant to call my grandma today. I need to remember that tomorrow.
- Moe's food is so good, especially on free drink Thursday.
- I need to finish that drawing. My sketchbook is in my car.
- He didn't ruin my life like I said to him the day we broke up. He didn't. I should tell him that. I fucking destroyed him. I hate that I did that to him. He tried. He tried so hard. He put up with my shit for months.
- I can't change my past.
- I keep remembering this day, "Why do you draw that stop light over and over and writing 'People Always Leave?' I'm not leaving you. No matter what you do, you can't push me away. I'm going to be right here." And my response was, "I don't want you to be here. I want him. I'm trying to let go. I haven't yet, but I'm trying. And you will leave me. Everyone does." That was right before we officially started dating. I wasn't really trying to let the other one go. I never did. Maybe I should have.
- I can't change my future.
- A joke that Randy sent me: "British person: What's the difference between a wardrobe and a closet? American: Mr. Tumnus is in the wardrobe. Tom Cruise is in the closet." hahahahaha. I laughed so hard.
- God knows my destination. I'm just along for the ride. Within fate, we have free will. We can make choices. But our choices will still lead us to our ultimate destination.
- Oh and by the way, in case I forgot to say it (again) today, I do love you. I know I haven't said it. I know I won't say it. I don't even know what that means right now. I wonder if I even know which one of you this is about.
thought i was going to die.
Today was too, too funny. Funny. Funny. Funny.
Kevin and I went to Mineola la la la today. Note the related post below. This morning one of the first things I noted about his truck was that it had more than 255,000 miles on it. I commented on this. He said he'd had the truck for 10 years, that the engine had been changed out three times and the transmission twice, and that it still ran so smooth. So we went to Mineola and had a perfectly pleasant day.
On our 45 minute drive back from Mineola, I was sitting in the passenger seat writing. I was trying to get a head start on my story. Kevin was talking about something and I was saying "yeah" and "uh huh" and "yeah" (again) occasionally when all of a sudden the car started vibrating very, very loudly and did this "ku-klung, ku-klung, KU-KLUNG" thing.
We were in the left lane on the highway and he was driving 85 mph trying to get us back to the paper. When that happened, it startled me but I remained calm until he decided to turn the steering wheel very, very sharply to the right to cut across the right lane and onto the shoulder. I, however, thought we were about to nose-dive into the ditch so I grabbed hold of the "oh shit" handle and started saying "Oh shit" over and over and screaming and screaming. As soon as the car stopped, I jumped out of the truck and literally starting jumping up and down. Kevin told me to get back in the truck. He said he was going to check the tires (we both thought a tire had blown) and get back on the road. I started screaming that we were absolutely not going to get back in that truck. He walked around it and low and behold all of the tires appeared perfectly fine. When he told me this, I did not believe him. So I jogged (literally) around the truck twice and low and behold all of the tires appeared perfectly fine. So we got back in the truck.
But then the vibrating and the "ku klung-ing" started again. So we drove at 40 mph to the nears auto shop where we waited for 45 minutes as a guy adjusted the weights on the tire... I don't know what this meant. But the guy said we were good to go. So we got back on the highway. Then the vibrating and the "ku klung-ing" started again. So we stopped at the next auto shop. We waited for 30 minutes while these guys checked out the truck. Oh. But first. This one guy laid underneath the truck and asked Kevin to drive back and forth so he could check it out. I thought, "Man, you do not know Kevin. I would not lay underneath this truck for anything." But the guy managed to live and figured out what was wrong with the truck.
The joint that holds the drive shaft in place... yeah, it'd popped off somewhere on the highway. He said the only way to stop it was to remove the drive shaft. So he removed the drive shaft and used a wire tie - as in a wire hanger - to tie the drive shaft to another ummm thing on the truck. I don't know what this meant. Here's what I know: The guy said that we were good to go, but that if the tie happened to come untied, we'd probably die because the car would literally go out of control.
So we got back on the highway and what does Kevin do... He starts driving 80 mph to make up for lost time. I thought I was going to die.
But I'm still alive. :)
And really, when you think about it... it was funny. I can say, I'll never forget today for oh so many reasons.
Kevin and I went to Mineola la la la today. Note the related post below. This morning one of the first things I noted about his truck was that it had more than 255,000 miles on it. I commented on this. He said he'd had the truck for 10 years, that the engine had been changed out three times and the transmission twice, and that it still ran so smooth. So we went to Mineola and had a perfectly pleasant day.
On our 45 minute drive back from Mineola, I was sitting in the passenger seat writing. I was trying to get a head start on my story. Kevin was talking about something and I was saying "yeah" and "uh huh" and "yeah" (again) occasionally when all of a sudden the car started vibrating very, very loudly and did this "ku-klung, ku-klung, KU-KLUNG" thing.
We were in the left lane on the highway and he was driving 85 mph trying to get us back to the paper. When that happened, it startled me but I remained calm until he decided to turn the steering wheel very, very sharply to the right to cut across the right lane and onto the shoulder. I, however, thought we were about to nose-dive into the ditch so I grabbed hold of the "oh shit" handle and started saying "Oh shit" over and over and screaming and screaming. As soon as the car stopped, I jumped out of the truck and literally starting jumping up and down. Kevin told me to get back in the truck. He said he was going to check the tires (we both thought a tire had blown) and get back on the road. I started screaming that we were absolutely not going to get back in that truck. He walked around it and low and behold all of the tires appeared perfectly fine. When he told me this, I did not believe him. So I jogged (literally) around the truck twice and low and behold all of the tires appeared perfectly fine. So we got back in the truck.
But then the vibrating and the "ku klung-ing" started again. So we drove at 40 mph to the nears auto shop where we waited for 45 minutes as a guy adjusted the weights on the tire... I don't know what this meant. But the guy said we were good to go. So we got back on the highway. Then the vibrating and the "ku klung-ing" started again. So we stopped at the next auto shop. We waited for 30 minutes while these guys checked out the truck. Oh. But first. This one guy laid underneath the truck and asked Kevin to drive back and forth so he could check it out. I thought, "Man, you do not know Kevin. I would not lay underneath this truck for anything." But the guy managed to live and figured out what was wrong with the truck.
The joint that holds the drive shaft in place... yeah, it'd popped off somewhere on the highway. He said the only way to stop it was to remove the drive shaft. So he removed the drive shaft and used a wire tie - as in a wire hanger - to tie the drive shaft to another ummm thing on the truck. I don't know what this meant. Here's what I know: The guy said that we were good to go, but that if the tie happened to come untied, we'd probably die because the car would literally go out of control.
So we got back on the highway and what does Kevin do... He starts driving 80 mph to make up for lost time. I thought I was going to die.
But I'm still alive. :)
And really, when you think about it... it was funny. I can say, I'll never forget today for oh so many reasons.
blessings from lies.
Kevin and I went to Extreme Makeover: Home Edition in Mineola la la la today. The show has been filming there this past week, working to give another sob story family a house. Okay, so the show does good things for people. What they don't tell you is that a lot of the time these people end up losing their homes because they can't afford to pay the taxes and other bills that come along with owning a big, fancy home... which is why most of these families are not living in big fancy homes to begin with.
The show is such a fake. Fake. Fake. Fake.
First of all, we were told to be there for "MOVE THAT BUS!!!" at noon. When I got there, I - for some stupid, silly reason - thought the family would actually be there when they filmed "Move That Bus" but no. No. No. No. I figured they'd have to refilm multiple times. But I didn't think it'd all be as set up as it was. They filmed the "Move That Bus" thing a few times... trying to get the crowd shots just right and the bus shots just right and the cheering just right and Ty Pennington's hair just right. Ugh. It was annoying. The only thing they didn't film over and over and over was the family's initial reaction upon first seeing the house. The limo had to pull in and out of the drive. In and out. In and out. In and out. The bus had to back out, back out, back out of the drive several times. Even when the family was trying to walk down the sidewalk to the door... they refilmed that six times at least and I finally told Kevin that I was ready to go. I didn't actually see the family walk through their front door cause I got tired of waiting for them to film and refilm and reshoot again. And again. And again. And again.
Le sigh.
But despite all of that, I must say the show did a very good thing for this family. And it was incredible to bear witness to the fact that East Texas came together to build this family's house. That's right. Volunteers from East Texas built this house. A local company from Tyler oversaw the build. You think Extreme Makeover sends its teams in to build a house? Well, I'm sure they have a few basic people who travel around and help. But this was local people building the house. It was awesome. If we, as a community, would do more things like this, it would be amazing. And though I realize I may have sounded a bit bitter about the show in the above paragraphs, I'm really not. Because at the end of the day even though Hollywood is, well, fake, this family still has a lovely home. And I heard that this family's taxes have been paid for - through community donations - for the next 10 years. So they won't be losing their house any time soon, like other families have.
A truly great and wonderful thing happened in here this week. I'm so, so grateful that I got to be a tiny, tiny, tiny part of it.
The show is such a fake. Fake. Fake. Fake.
First of all, we were told to be there for "MOVE THAT BUS!!!" at noon. When I got there, I - for some stupid, silly reason - thought the family would actually be there when they filmed "Move That Bus" but no. No. No. No. I figured they'd have to refilm multiple times. But I didn't think it'd all be as set up as it was. They filmed the "Move That Bus" thing a few times... trying to get the crowd shots just right and the bus shots just right and the cheering just right and Ty Pennington's hair just right. Ugh. It was annoying. The only thing they didn't film over and over and over was the family's initial reaction upon first seeing the house. The limo had to pull in and out of the drive. In and out. In and out. In and out. The bus had to back out, back out, back out of the drive several times. Even when the family was trying to walk down the sidewalk to the door... they refilmed that six times at least and I finally told Kevin that I was ready to go. I didn't actually see the family walk through their front door cause I got tired of waiting for them to film and refilm and reshoot again. And again. And again. And again.
Le sigh.
But despite all of that, I must say the show did a very good thing for this family. And it was incredible to bear witness to the fact that East Texas came together to build this family's house. That's right. Volunteers from East Texas built this house. A local company from Tyler oversaw the build. You think Extreme Makeover sends its teams in to build a house? Well, I'm sure they have a few basic people who travel around and help. But this was local people building the house. It was awesome. If we, as a community, would do more things like this, it would be amazing. And though I realize I may have sounded a bit bitter about the show in the above paragraphs, I'm really not. Because at the end of the day even though Hollywood is, well, fake, this family still has a lovely home. And I heard that this family's taxes have been paid for - through community donations - for the next 10 years. So they won't be losing their house any time soon, like other families have.
A truly great and wonderful thing happened in here this week. I'm so, so grateful that I got to be a tiny, tiny, tiny part of it.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
tell. me. why.
I was driving home from a friend's house tonight and listening to a Taylor Swift album that I've listened to a hundred times before. You know how there are those moments in your life when you hear a song - and maybe it's a song you've heard a million times before - and in a particular moment that song pretty much sums up your whole life? Well, there was this song that came on and I've listened to it so many times. It's never been one of my favorite songs of hers, but tonight it just made sense.
Here are some of the lyrics:
I'm sick and tired of your attitude. I'm feeling like I don't know you. Well I get so confused and frustrated, forget what I'm trying to say. I'm sick and tired of your reasons. I got no one to believe in. And I know that you see what you're doing to me. Tell me why.
I just want answers. I know I'm not going to get them, but I want them.
Here are some of the lyrics:
I'm sick and tired of your attitude. I'm feeling like I don't know you. Well I get so confused and frustrated, forget what I'm trying to say. I'm sick and tired of your reasons. I got no one to believe in. And I know that you see what you're doing to me. Tell me why.
I just want answers. I know I'm not going to get them, but I want them.